Anxiety made me introvert
I have had anxiety for around 30 years, although I think I was quite an anxious, shy child and found situations difficult even back then. My main issue is socialisation and I dislike large crowds or claustrophobic situations. The hardest thing has been the expectation that you should ‘love’ parties, restaurants, bars and just generally getting together with other people, and while I have a couple of small groups of friends that I can do this with, beyond that its really hard and anxiety-inducing for me. When my boys were at school, it is the assumption that you chat endlessly at the school gates, have mums nights out and have the best time of your life! But I just could not do this. I tried, but felt so uncomfortable and out of place. My self-esteem was then so low, as all this made me feel so bad about myself that I wasn’t like everyone else.
I think the hardest thing about having anxiety at this age (50’s), is that there is the feeling that, you are supposed to be in control, ‘grown-up’, and able to do anything. Slowly I have recovered. I have learned to accept myself for me, and realise that I don’t have to be like everyone else. In addition, I have learned techniques to help me overcome my specific anxieties, and improve my self-esteem.
